Pissed off Pinky!

OK, so here it goes. I have decided that partly I bring the man related unhappiness on myself. I want your opinions!

So, here is the history of the lives and loves of Pinky!

Man no. 1 Asshole, cheated on me, told me and I said naughty boy, don't do it again. We split after 6 months but dated regularly over the next 3 years and he continued to be an arsehole with no sense of responsibility for the entirety.

Man no. 2 Lovely and I cocked it up big style. Dated for 2 years he worshipped the ground I walked upon, I moved to a different part of the country to be with him, we were really happy. However, I decided that I was too settled and broke up with him but proceeded to mess him around for the next year, I firmly took his heart and squished it into the ground. By the time I'd worked out that I really did love him he'd moved on to his now wife.

Man no. 3 Asshole, dated for 2 years, lived together, bought various big items together. Everything had to be on his terms nd if I didn't do what he wanted his stock standard response was "I'll leave". Eventually I worked out it was better to be alone than unhappy with someone. He used the I'll leave tactic and I said, I've been hearing that for the last 6 months, your still here, he left, owing me rather a lot. It was awful at the time but a good learing experience. I did vow never to let anyone dick me about like that again

Man no. 4 Player! He thought it was ok to cheat on me with one woman in states and another in Q8, I said "khalas, I don't need this shit and walked"

Man no. 5 The latest of a bad bunch. Spent the last two years being messed around by him and still I let him piss me off. I am convinced now that I know he is an utter Bastard but still I allow him to wind me up. He spent last thursday staring at me for 3 hours then left the party with another woman and spent the whole of tonight pawing said woman right under my nose (for someone who claim to love me he has a fucking lot to learn)- YUCK!

What to do, I seem to date serial bastards. Leopards do not ever change their spots so why the hell do I think they will suddenly become stripy?

If you've read Romeo and Juliet you'll be familiar with the term Patrarchan love - it's what Romeo has for Rosaline and all it does is make him unhappy. He's kind of in love with being miserable, I'm worried thats how I'm ending up? Equally I don't know how to change the way I feel and a behaving in relationships, am I destined to be a doormat forever??? Have I cocked up my only chance???
ARGHHHH!!!

I don't know what I think now, this blog is my way of vocalising my feelings and confusions so if they don't make sense to you have faith that they make even less sense to me!
I think the quote above is spot on!